Son of lesbian moms in Ireland answers questions about his upbringing

The man opened up about his life on an online forum ahead of proposed legislative changes in Ireland around gay adoption and the country’s planned marriage equality referendum

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Ahead of the same-sex marriagereferendum planned to take place in Ireland in early May, LGBT issues are being widely discussed in this traditionally Roman Catholic country.

Last week, the Irish government also announced that it was pushing ahead with legislative changes to allow gay couples to adopt.

Amidst some of the more hysterical debate, an Irish man took to an online discussion forum – – last week to discuss his own upbringing.

Now in his 30s, with a fiancé and children of his own, he simply invited other users of the forum to post whatever questions they might have – all of which he answered in a calm and measured fashion.

Although some of the questions may seem invasive, or even offensive, the poster – who identified himself as Sonics2K and lives in Cork – was happy to answer everything asked of him. He revealed that he was born to one of the women using the sperm of a gay friend.

Given the vehement opposition that some critics of same-sex marriage have towards LGBT issues – including parenthood – it’s important to promote and listen to the real-life stories of LGBT parents and their children.

Below, we’re posting a selection of the questions and his answers.

Neyite: Have you encountered bullying/ exclusion as a child?

Sonics2K: I was once or twice “bullied” for having two mothers, but it was really more of a “haha you have two mums” comment when I was about 9 years old. That was basically it. Frankly I was bullied more for having an English accent (I was born in London and moved home to Ireland when I was 9). I was bullied a little bit for being a dork too.

Honestly speaking, I was bullied a lot less than any overweight or ginger kid in my schools. I was never excluded from a group because of my parents’ sexuality.

Kids are jerks, we all know this. Kids are worse than grown ups when it comes to being really mean, and they’ll focus on anything to wind up another kid.

Eviltwin: Can I ask if you know your dad and if he is in your life at all?

Sonics2K: Absolutely fair question. In a word, no. I’ve never met him, but my parents told me all his details when I was about 12 or so and said if I wanted to track him down, that would be fine.

I’ve never really looked into it, from what my parents have told me, I do look very similar to him and that’s all I need or care about.

Dulpit: Did you parents ever sit you down and explain to you that their relationship is a little bit different to others?

Sonics2K: Yes, when I was about 7 or 8 my parents did sit down with me and did the whole birds and bees thing and told me how they were gay and some people were straight. I believe my answer was roughly along the lines of ‘Okay, can I go back out and play now?’

Because I was raised by a gay couple, there was nothing odd to me. And like my friends, I did not care about their parents’ sexuality. I was too busy climbing trees and throwing snails at girls.

Eviltwin: Do your mums want to get married? What would it mean for your family if that were possible?

Sonics2K: Well truthfully speaking, my ‘parents’ have separated a good while ago, but are now both in long term relationships.

However, I do know they have no real interest in getting ‘married’ as it were. They do believe of course that they should have the right to be married if they wish to do so.

floggg: Where there ever any situations or issues where you felt the lack of a male presence was a disadvantage? If so how did you over come them?

Sonics2K: Um, I guess maybe when I started to shave? My mother did teach me the basics, and frankly did a better job than my neighbor’s father!

But I started growing a glorious beard many years ago and hate to be clean shaven, aside from that, I truthfully can’t think of any time that I needed a male presence over either of my parents.

My biological mother played Rugby for Munster and Ireland, and even taught me the basics of Karate when I was a kid. I ended up taking a big interest in both in my teens thanks to that.

Strobe: just to follow up on the question on your father. Are you aware of the circumstances of how he came to be your father? As in, via registered sperm donation, or was it a private arrangement (as a favor for a friend, or?), or had he been intimate or involved in a relationship of any sort with your birth mother, etc?

Sonics2K: He was actually a very close friend of my biological mother. She’d asked him to be the father; frankly I never wanted to ask the nitty gritty details of how it was done! Bit gross!

It was agreed at the time he would have no direct influence on my life, but that I would be given his contact details should I ever wish to track him down. I have those details, but never really felt the need to do so.

No. 1 One Direction Fan: Did your non-biological mother have any rights to you as a parent? Say the worst happened and your biological mother had died, would she still have had the right to raise you?

Sonics2K: A very good question, and one that really should be getting asked a lot more. From any legal stand point, my “other” mother had no legal right to raise me in the event my biological mother died. In the eyes of the law, she was non-existent.

Big Nasty: Are you gay or straight yourself and do you think growing up with two women affected your sexuality / personality different to growing up in a conventional family?

Sonics2K: For the record, I am straight, have two children and am engaged. I do know gay children of gay couples, but probably less than gay kids of straight couples.

I wouldn’t exactly define myself as a bloke, not by any measure, but I’d be well into a good few sports, rugby and ice hockey are the mains, Top Gear and a manly love for boobies and certainly have a good few man skills too, all of which taught to me by my parents, may be with the exception of the boobies, but I guess that may work too!

The discussion has proved to be one of the most popular recent threads on the forum board. So much so that Sonic2K was invited – under his real name, Finbarr Murray – to participate in a discussion this morning on Today with Sean O’Rourke on RTE Radio.

Answering the host’s questions about his childhood, Murray said: ‘Growing up, I completely thought my life was normal in every single way… essentially my home life was exactly the same as my other friends.

‘What’s important is how you raise your child and how you treat them.’

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